My thoughts on God and things like that....

I thought I'd jump right into the tough subjects first.

I'm a scientist. But I believe in God, or Universe, or The Spirit. I can't decide what to call him/her. Himher. Actually, I don't think there's a human equivalent to how I see God. So, "God" will have to do. Anyway, I see nothing wrong with being a scientist and wanting to know the way everything works, and also believing in God.

Of course, creationism drives me nuts. I can't fathom having a mind so closed. If I was a God. This is how I'd do it. I'd create all these fantastic physical laws, and then start with a tiny speck of energy, and say "Go forth. You have free will to do anything, but stay within these many laws (because, hey, we all need boundaries). Use your best judgement, do your best, and go make a universe. Then when the physical reality is at a good point, feel free to experiment with life. Then LIFE can go forth, and, using the laws I've provided and free will, maybe sentient beings will come to be. Sentient beings so fantastic that they come to question their origin and so create science. How fantastic that would be." That's what I'd do.

It all boils down to the laws of physics and free will. Everyone knows the laws of physics are pretty damn cool. I won't go into that. But Free Will (I know, I'm picturing the whale movie, too)..... anyway, Free Will is a fantastic thing. For humans, it means the ability, the grace, to be able to choose a path in life every minute of every day. I can be nice to the person in the grocery store, or not. I can donate money to a charity, or not. I can believe in God anyway I choose to, or not. I truly believe God gave us Free Will, not as a test to see if we'll choose himher, but because the Goodness of God is so great and NONhuman, that we can choose to think about, and question the existence of, himher in any way, and that's OK.

I also believe that physical things - way small physical things that makeup matter and the universe - are allowed a bit of Free Will. Following those laws I mentioned earlier, of course. And that's how evolution of life comes about (present tense - it happens today). And that's how, as much as I prayed and prayed and begged The Universe, The Spirit, God, that's how my beautiful, full-of-life, didn't-want-to-die-yet mother ended up dying after her long stay in the hospital. It just boiled down to the laws of physics and free will.

It sounds like I'm bitter, but I'm not. I'm accepting. It sucks. But I accept it.